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It's not that today was even bad. It started out raining, but I went to bible study, and then had plans to go to lunch and shop with my mom and sister (in love). I had a fun day ahead-but I was still mad. I had really cool visions of me flailing around on the floor sobbing and throwing a tantrum like one of my kids** do. Or curled up in the fetal position. Or eating out of a container of Ben and Jerry's. You get the idea. I got to bible study and looked at all the people who knew each other. I wanted to yell at them. I AM FROM MICHIGAN AND I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS THERE AND THEY CALL ME DEAR. I fought back tears the whole morning. Yes, it's sunny here and not frigid. Yes I am by family that I ADORE and truly cherish getting to be close to. But it's still just. so. sad.
But as so often happens, the Lord took my face in his hands. I was reminded of a song that used to play on the christian radio station: "Life is hard. The world is cold. You're barely young and then, you're old. But every beating heart, has always understood. Life is hard. But God is good."
And I remembered it's true. God is good. He is allowing this time of trial and sadness and difficult things we are going through that I'm not even going to begin to blog about-and it will grow us. And we will be better for it. And we will learn things. And our character will be more refined. In the midst of the tears and tantrums, the skies will clear-just like they did this morning. And I truly believe something beautiful will come in the end. Even {worst case scenario} if the end is heaven, it's still coming. And God is still good.
I've cancelled the party. (Not before having a cream cheese, bacon and turkey sandwich, plus potato chips mind you-but it's still been cancelled.) The Lord has given me my infinitely wise sister in law to lunch with, brother to lead my husband in bible study, parents to be with and cousins/nieces to love on. God will provide all our needs. He said so. Maybe even some friends who call me dear. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness to us. We are so excited.
**Names omitted to protect the guilty.
26 comments:
You may not be close in destination, but you're close in my heart! I miss you, Mark and my wonderful little great nieces....we are only a phone call away! Sending you a warm Michigan hug and lots of love!
Yes, God is good....even when it hurts!
Just remember, you are not alone. I. LOVE. YOU. :-) And since it's just Mark and me, you are not just a sister (in love) but the closest thing I get to having a real one! I wish our little visits could be longer and not just weekend ones. Are you sure you don't want to move back somewhere snowy? Denver maybe? ;-) I would be sure to provide lots of ice cream and cookies. . .and of course, laughter too! I know nothing ever replaces old friends, but I guess it's God's way of getting us out of our comfort zones so we can truly completely rely on HIM!
Wish I could give you a hug but soon enough! Glad God could give you peace today (and that you could accept it).
This post made me proud to be your friend. I love you and miss you like crazy but am so proud of you for finding God's goodness amidst the hard things. Love you!
You are so loved, so missed and so cherished! Even though we're far, hope you know just how dear you truly are!
love you. glad the party got cancelled.
isaiah 43:2.
ps-i am so pumped to hang out in heaven forever but obviously before then too;)
Love you...sorry you are sad! I miss you all the time!
Love you Heidi. I needed to read this because I've been having a pretty big pity party over here. Sorry things are hard. 10 more days!!
If your party wasn't cancelled, I would certainly have attended...but that makes me sad to write that because I would even love to have a pity party with you. Just as long as we were together. You are deeply loved friend. Desperately missed. And still making me cry with your candor. Hang in there honey. Jesus will never let you down.
I loved reading this. Thank you for being so honest and real. Miss you terribly but so thankful you felt those mighty Hands.
So much I want to say, but right now I'll stick with... God IS good. And you can trust Him with all of what you're feeling. And I needed that reminder, too, so thanks for posting and for being vulnerable.
i know i haven't seen you in forever, but oh how i love to "keep up with you" via your blog and facebook. never have i been so glad to keep up with you than i am after reading this....so heartfelt, so real, so honest, so sad and happy at the same time (if that makes sense?). first of all, how lucky you are to have such wonderful friends and family - the comments from all of them who miss you so much just goes to show what good friends you have and what a good friend you are... believe me, i know how hard it is to move, but you are so right - you will be all the stronger because of this little hurdle and i am so glad you are looking on the bright side and seeing all the good things (even those that just seem like possibilities and hopes right now) in your life. think of how fun it will be for all your wonderful friends to come and visit, and i know it won't be long before you (and the girls) have a slew of new friends who love and appreciate you just as much :) i am most happy for your mom & dad - how wonderful that you can be there to share this time (and 3 more beautiful, wonderful granddaughters) with them. there will certainly be more days where you're thinking about throwing that party...but i'm betting you will have many new friends helping to talk you out of it....all the while calling you dear :)
we are all allowed to have pity parties every once in awhile. you deserve a party. a move is a big change!
Ohh Heidi, this was beautifully written. I am so sorry for the pain of the change. I don't have anything profound to say, just that I will be praying for you. I read this this morning, and thought you may take some comfort from it..Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
Sometimes I feel like I just need to climb up in His arms and let Him carry me. It's easier.
Heidi Dearest,
You are so loved and missed and thought about up here in the cold cold north. Not a play group goes by without your name being mentioned. Roxie is coming over today and she is always talking about you and your family too. Love you and miss you so much!
Now get out there and enjoy that Florida sunshine.... because it's nasty here, so you're not missing much.
Love you!
Having not lived by my closest friends and family for 10 years now, I can attest to both the heartache and the ability to survive it. It's okay to pity party once in a while, but whenever you do just look at this post with 17 comments (and growing) from people who all call you dear - even if for the time being it's over the phone or by email. And, don't forget how friendship can grow over time and distance. Think of us 10 years ago, and think of us now. Times have changed, we have changed, but our friendship has not. Love you always, praying for you always, and miss you always.
I am glad God found you in your sadness and lifted you up. You are a dear, and being far from your friends doesn't deminish the love they have for you. Keep holding on. I am praying for you and your house to sell. Love and hugs. Angel
Heidi, you are amazing- and loved- and missed- and I'm sending lots of hugs right now... And as much as we hate to lose you here, I know that soon enough you will have friends there who will be so happy to have gained another friend to call dear!
I just wanted to pile on the encouragement too. I don't understand YOUR pain but I tell you I understand PAIN. Sometimes it really really sucks.
The best part of your post is your perspective. It's human to get discouraged and want to throw a tantrum. I've done my fair share. But in the end, we can look to Jesus. Aren't you so glad you can? I don't know how I would survive this life if I were an atheist.
I was going to post something about how you make friends quicker than anyone I know. And, how I know you are going to be happy there because you have been happy other places. And, how I know that it is not the same as living at home and how sorry I am that you aren't home. And, how I wish I could make you some pigs in a blanket and buy you a diet coke. :)
Then, I thought of Amy's blog. She just adopted a sweet little girl from the Ukraine (I won't go into how crazy it is that she now has 4 kiddos!) and blogged about their adventures in adopting. There was a post that she called "Ruby Slippers" that she writes when she is in the Ukraine and missing her other 3 kids. It starts like this: "Someone asked if I wished I could find a pair of ruby slippers about now…..the answer is yes. That would be nice. But also, Oz isn’t all that bad. I mean, aren’t you thinking the whole time that Dorothy wants to go home, “Hey Dorothy! Look around! You’re in a land of talking trees where magical things are happening and where two of your best friends might not even have circulatory systems! Maybe you could just explore Oz and know that you’ll go home when it is time. Maybe you could ride that color-changing horse or something.”
And, then she writes about her beautiful day with her new daughter. And, ends the post like this: "Our journey in many ways is just now beginning. The hard part is over as far as I’m concerned. The good thing about adoption being so trying, is that trying things are strengthening. If you only knew what we have been through to get this far – to Emerald City, you wouldn’t spend a minute worrying on how we’ll be from here on out. After all, after you’ve defeated a wicked witch and lived through an opium overdose, Kansas is like falling downhill."
Now, I know the difference is that Dorothy (and Amy) eventually get to go home and don't get stuck in Oz. All the same, hoping you can find some magic in your adventure and fall downhill a little bit.
Love you!
holy cow alot of comments!! I love your vulnerability. Thanks for sharing!! I think it is okay every now and again to have a pity party. But, it is so reassuring that we have a God that we serve that loves us and cares enough to care about us!!! I know He will get you through this time. Maybe you just need some parkers to come visit you! :):)
Let your number of comments prove how many people love you, and care about you. I love your heart and honesty. It's so easy to appear in a blog like you have it "all together," but I love how real you are! None of us are above throwing ourselves a pity party (and trust me, I do often with all of Dave's travels, but you know ALL about that life!), but just like Abby said, your perspective is key. Allow yourself time to grieve what you've left behind...you just moved days ago, and I think you're doing superb!!
Just a reminder; you are amazing! All of us are so lucky to have you in our lives, whether near or far, and I know I think of you often and send you happy thoughts. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time, and if there's anything I can do, let me know!
Pity parties are over-rated unless they involve Ben & Jerry's. Hope that each day you love FLA more and more and that you find new, dear friends. Blessings to you and your fam, Heidi.
I bet Oz would be better if you could eat more sugar. :) Love you so much. Love all your comments. You have an amazing support system, Heidi, and I pray you never have to go too long before you're reminded of that. You can do this. Missing you and praying for you so much...
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